k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
