ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
