We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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