ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
