My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When are your genitals available?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
