Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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