Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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