Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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