I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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