My hand turned me down
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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