Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
