Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize