I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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