I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
