My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
