dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
