I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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