is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
