How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
