what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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