Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize