and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I checked into jail on foursquare
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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