is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
