Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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