I must be too annoying 4 u.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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