mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
