U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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