I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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