the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
