he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
