I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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