Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
