I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
