Is it because I queefed?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
