The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
