when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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