whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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