i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
