I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Semen is not good for contacts.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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