WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
