Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
