perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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