After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Girls should come with a carfax report
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
