I'm going to jail i love you
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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