Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
