the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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