He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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