I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
