Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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