11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
