Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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