I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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