i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
