I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
