We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
