she woke up with a sticky ear
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's never too late to be topless.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
