Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
