I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
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