My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize