your room smells of hookers.
And success
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
