I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
