I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
