just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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