The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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