one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
