I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
