i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
