I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
