make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
