Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
