Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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