Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
