Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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