Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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