i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
