i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
