yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
