Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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