All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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