Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hippo gnu deer
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
