hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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