I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
