wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
