So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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